{"id":2990,"date":"2012-04-18T16:36:23","date_gmt":"2012-04-18T08:36:23","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/muzlimbuzz.sg\/?p=2990"},"modified":"2012-04-19T16:13:14","modified_gmt":"2012-04-19T08:13:14","slug":"the-fortunate-muslim-family-divine-solution-to-the-fragmented-family-with-mufti-menk-part-ii","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/simplyislam.sg\/muslimbuzz\/the-fortunate-muslim-family-divine-solution-to-the-fragmented-family-with-mufti-menk-part-ii\/","title":{"rendered":"“The Fortunate Muslim Family: Divine Solution to the Fragmented Family” with Mufti Menk, Part II"},"content":{"rendered":"

Keeping the Love Alive<\/strong><\/h3>\n

So the wedding excitement is over. You\u2019re back from your honeymoon and this is when reality kicks in. How can you continue to be happy as a couple in the years to come? With divorce becoming increasingly common, it can be a scary thought. Mufti Menk\u2019s solution is simple: Be God-conscious at all times and know that you are going to return to Him one day.<\/strong><\/p>\n

[quote]He created the heavens and earth in truth and formed you and perfected your forms; and to Him is the [final] destination. He knows what is within the heavens and earth and knows what you conceal and what you declare. And Allah is All-Knowing of what lies within the hearts. {Surah At-Taghabun, 64: 3-4}[\/quote]<\/p>\n

In the chase for dunya,<\/em> sometimes we forget who we are and the roles we are committed to.\u00a0 Everyone makes mistakes so make today the day you start taking your role as a husband or wife seriously. Don\u2019t let your marriage slip between your fingers. You will be accountable for it in front of Allah (subhanahu wa taala) one day.<\/p>\n

Clothe One Another<\/h3>\n

One particular sentence in Surah Al-Baqarah caught my attention one day and it\u2019s amazing how Allah (swt) can be so succinct and comprehensive at the same time.<\/p>\n

[box_light]\u201c\u2026They are clothing for you and you are clothing for them.\u201d { 2:187}[\/box_light]<\/strong><\/p>\n

In this verse, the Allah (swt) uses clothing as a metaphor to draw a comparison between the functionality of clothes and the purpose of marital relationship in a person\u2019s life. On one hand, the tangible function of clothing is to provide warmth or coolness, comfort, protection, concealment and adornment.<\/p>\n

On the other, its intangible function is to reflect the person who is wearing it. \u00a0When you see a person, one of the first things you will notice about them is the clothes they wear. Naturally, people use clothes to portray a certain image and to send message about who they are. As a spouse, you are consciously and subconsciously doing all of the above, or you should be, except in a different sense of the words.<\/p>\n

When your spouse is in need of assurance and support, you should embrace them warmly like how Khadija (may Allah be pleased with her) embraced Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) who trembled in awe and fear after he received his first revelation from Allah (swt). One of the most important roles of a spouse is to provide ease and tranquillity<\/strong> when they need it the most. This also means allowing them some time and space to \u2018cool down\u2019 after an argument .<\/p>\n

As a spouse, it is also your responsibility to protect them from physical, emotional and spiritual harm. \u00a0Protect your wife or husband from the dangers of this dunya <\/em>and the akhirah<\/em>. Sometimes this means\u00a0giving them\u00a0nasiha<\/em> (constructive advice) in a kind manner<\/strong> when you see them doing something wrong or against the teachings of Islam. Additionally, conceal your spouse\u2019s weaknesses<\/strong> instead of making fun of them in front of friends and relatives\u00a0even if you only meant it as a joke.<\/p>\n

Occasionally, clothes need to be altered for various reasons. This doesn\u2019t mean you should change who you are merely to please someone else. It simply means that sometimes compromises have to be made and egos have to be placed aside to preserve something as sacred as your marriage. Clothes say so much about a person. Similarly, \u00a0most times your spouse’s well-being says a lot about who you are as a husband or wife. If you know how to care for your finest garments, you should also take proper care of your spouse.<\/strong><\/p>\n

\"\"<\/p>\n

The clothes you wear are also a form of adornment and therefore it is something that adds beauty to your life. Although marriage will come with its trials, it is also a mercy that Allah (swt) has given us to bring happiness into our lives. So be married and be merry. Don\u2019t make each other miserable. Like clothing, your relationship with your spouse is also a means of worship.<\/strong> Make the most of everyday and please one another for the sake of pleasing Allah (swt).<\/p>\n

Husbands, always remember this verse:<\/p>\n

<\/strong>[quote]“Men are the protectors and maintainers of women because of what Allah has preferred one with over the other and because of what they spend to support them from their wealth.”<\/strong>{S\u00fbrah an-Nis\u00e2’: 34}<\/strong>[\/quote] <\/strong><\/p>\n

And wives, remember this hadith<\/em>:<\/p>\n

[quote]The Messenger (sal Allahu alaihi wa sallam) said, \u201cIf a woman observes her five daily prayers, fasts during the month of Ramadhan, guards her chastity and remains faithful to her husband, she may enter Paradise through any of the gates she wishes.\u201d {Ibn Hibban \u2013 Hadith Sahih}[\/quote]<\/strong> <\/strong><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Here are some helpful tips for the married Muslim:<\/h2>\n

Know your 3 R\u2019s. <\/strong>It\u2019s never too late to learn what are your rights, responsibilities and roles as a husband or wife in Islam. \u00a0Both husband and wife are equally responsible for the success of a marriage.<\/p>\n

[box_light]\u201c\u2026And they (women) have rights (over their husbands in regards to living expenses, etc.) similar (to those of their husbands) over them (in regards to respect and obedience, etc.) to what is reasonable, but men have a degree (of responsibility) over them. And Allah is All-Mighty, All-Wise.\u201d {Surah Al-Baqarah, 2: 228}[\/box_light]<\/p>\n

Take time to reconnect. <\/strong>With the pressures of everyday life it’s easy to disconnect from each other. Make the time and effort to do good deeds together. \u00a0Get some \u2018alone time\u2019 and go on vacations together. But it\u2019s important to spend quality time as a couple everyday.\u00a0Something as simple as performing your prayers together can bring a lot of barakah<\/em> into your marriage.<\/p>\n

Set realistic expectations.<\/strong> Face the fact that marriage is not always going to be a bed of roses. Sometimes you will hurt each other (intentionally and unintentionally). Sometimes you will struggle financially. Sometimes you are going to have differences and disagreements. Accept these trials as part of your journey and the outcome of your perseverance and hard work will be sweet and wholesome.<\/p>\n

Communicate honestly and effectively. <\/strong>Put down your phone and switch off your computer. Initiate a conversation with the one who is in front of you. Listen. Engage. Discuss. Say what you really mean instead of expecting your husband or wife to guess what you are trying to say.<\/p>\n

Compliment each other. <\/strong>There is no one more deserving of your compliments than your own spouse. It is important for your spouse to feel respected, desired and appreciated even after years of marriage. \u00a0A little compliment can go a long way.<\/p>\n

Protect your spouse\u2019s feelings.<\/strong> 90% of problems are connected to how we use our words. Both men and women need to be careful of what they say and how they say it. For instance, ladies usually complain: \u201cIt\u2019s not what<\/em> you said but how<\/em> you said it\u201d so husbands, you need to take note of how<\/em> you\u2019re making them feel<\/em>.\u00a0 Don\u2019t ignore the little things because they can build up to become larger problems.<\/p>\n

Respect and honour each other.<\/strong> Nothing says \u201cI love, respect and honour you\u201d like being honest and faithful to your spouse. Dear husbands, your wife is someone\u2019s daughter, mother and sister. How would you feel if someone was unfaithful to your daughter, mother or sister? And vice versa to wives. Don\u2019t risk your marriage and family for something that will only give you a temporary thrill.<\/p>\n

Lower your gaze. <\/strong>The Qur\u2019an specifically tells both men and women to protect themselves by not looking at things that are forbidden to them. {Surah An-Nur, 30-31<\/a>} Lowering the gaze prevents jealousy, improper thoughts and desires.<\/p>\n

Don\u2019t let chivalry die.<\/strong> Being romantic with your spouse is highly encouraged in Islam. For example, Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) did activities A\u2019isha (may Allah be pleased with her) enjoyed simply because he loved spending time with her. Learn to be romantic in a way you know your spouse would appreciate and enjoy.<\/p>\n

Utter words of kindness and assurance.<\/strong> Never underestimate the value of assuring words. A lot of men think it\u2019s not necessary to tell their wife how they feel about them because they prefer to express their love through actions but women also like to hear loving words. Ibn Assaker narrated on the authority of \u2018A\u2019isha (may Allah be pleased with her) that she said that the Prophet (peace be upon him) told her: “Won\u2019t you be pleased to be my wife in this life and in\u00a0the Hereafter?\u201d I said: \u201cYes\u201d and he said: \u201cYou are my wife in this life and the Hereafter.” <\/strong>Imagine how A\u2019isha felt when she heard these words that gave her security and assurance in this dunya<\/em> and the Hereafter.<\/p>\n

Be helpful. <\/strong>Ladies, if your husband says he needs some peace and quiet to work at home then co-operate with him. Husbands, help out with household chores because Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) was never too proud to do so. A\u2019isha, may Allah be pleased with her, narrated: “He would patch his garments and sole his sandals”<\/strong> and when asked: “How was he with his family?” she responded: “He was in the service of his family until it was time for prayer, at which time he would go and pray.” {Tirmidhi}<\/strong><\/p>\n

… to be continued<\/em><\/p>\n

Read Part 1 here:
\n<\/strong> Event Review: \u201cThe Fortunate Muslim Family: Divine Solution to the Fragmented Family\u201d with Mufti Menk, Part 1 \u00a0http:\/\/bit.ly\/I3QboY<\/a><\/p>\n

<\/a><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

[divider]<\/em><\/p>\n

Shahirah Elaiza Wan Hassan<\/strong>
\nShahirah Elaiza is a Communication Studies graduate who is currently living in New Zealand. She is\u00a0a modern-day Muslimah who is always rediscovering the true meaning of Islam and what it means to believe in God. In her spare time, Shahirah enjoys travelling and blogging about Islam, fashion and her latest adventures on her personal blog,\u00a0Colours of My Life<\/a>.<\/em>
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